Feels good to be back!

Hi everyone! I am back from Spain and so excited to be back. I have a feeling this post is going to be a bit all over the place, so bear with me. I’m just going to get it all out.

  • Spain was bittersweet. It was nice to be thrown into a new routine, but it was also hard to sway away from my own daily routine. There were a lot of things I missed. Nothing beats “home.”
  • I desperately miss my family. I was there with my aunt and my two cousins (more like brothers). I hadn’t seen them for three years, the rest of my family even longer than that. It sucks. I want nothing more than to be a part of their lives and to watch them grow, but I am on the other side of the world. I don’t visit as often as I should. Leaving them is always the hardest thing. I gain pieces of myself again when I’m with them and lose them as I leave.
  • The next trip, there’s a lot of things I have to make sure to stay on top of. I let go of a lot of the things I do on a daily basis that make me happy. I need to make sure I don’t do that again. Also, waking up earlier wouldn’t hurt. It’s easy to just be a lazy bum and waste time.
  • I am five shades darker and loving it. The pool and the beach were my best friends.
  • I have one more weeks before school starts and I am going to make the most of it.
  • I am applying to transfer to a university this month and the next! Woohoo!
  • I learned a lot about myself this trip, both good and bad.
  • I bought myself flowers. I only say this, because I’m looking at them right now and they are so pretty!
  • I’ve learned to stop expecting things from other people, learn to love them no matter what (unconditionally), and do what I need to be happy, rather than wait around for others to do it for me.
  • I’m also learning to accept people, to stop trying to control them and situations, and instead use that time and energy focusing on myself instead.
  • Less stress, less worry, more happiness, just because. Life is too short. We’re all living minutes we’ll never get back.
  • I have to learn to stop caring what others think, so I can be myself, fully.
  • I’m just very excited to be back. I have a lot of things I need to work on. I have a lot of things I want to do. And it’s time to get busy!

I hope you’ve all had a wonderful couple of weeks. I am so happy to be back and blogging again! Reach out to me, pleassseeeeeee. We’re supposed to be a community after all.

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Negative thoughts.

I want you to try this exercise with me. Feel free to close your eyes after each bullet point or keep them open, whatever you’re more comfortable with. Ready? Here goes.

  • Imagine a BIG waterfall. Hear the sound of the water. Hold on to the image for a little bit…. Now, let it go.
  • Imagine a beautiful sunset. For some reason, you might not be feeling your best. But, this sunset is making you feel a little better… Let it go.
  • Now, imagine a blue square… Let it go.

In the same way that you’re creating these images and bringing these thoughts into your mind, in the same fashion that you’re letting them go– you could apply this with all the thoughts you allow to take space in your mind. You can let them enter, hear them, and let them go, just as easily. Observe and let it go. Can you imagine how freeing that is? To not be a slave to your mind. To be in charge of your own thoughts. To be able to choose the thoughts you’d like to keep and to allow the negative ones to go.

I’ve recently starting doing this little exercise on my own. It’s helped me. I hope it helps you too.

 

 

Be full of yourself.

When you start expecting more from yourself and your goals get bigger and bigger, you might lose track of the progress you’ve already made. You might get stuck in “What’s next?” mode. I believe it’s very important to celebrate your wins, no matter how small or how big. Don’t rush into the next stage right away. Be proud of yourself for what you’ve already accomplished, look at how far you’ve came, write it down in a notebook, and then, go after the next big thing.

I am definitely guilty of this. I was commuting today, with a big smile on my face, singing and dancing, just having the time of my life, enjoying my own company, and laughing at myself here and there for being a such a dork. I felt a sense of love for myself. I was so proud of myself. In that moment, I realized how far I’ve come. I used to HATE being alone. I always needed someone else to keep me company. My self-worth used to depend on the people around me. I would lose myself in intimate relationships. My life felt meaningless for a while. I was completely codependent and I was utterly lost. I love spending time by myself now. I treasure it. I’m proud of how far I’ve came and how much I’ve endured. Self-love is a long, hard, and terrifying process, but I’ve made it my mission.

This made me realize that I don’t celebrate my wins enough. I don’t look back to see how far I’ve already come. As soon as I accomplish something, I’m onto the next thing. I’m definitely guilty of making myself feel bad if I’m not where I feel like I “need” to be by now, even though I’ve already come so far. I don’t think that’s fair. You should always treat yourself like someone you are responsible for helping. You should always treat yourself like you would a friend or a child. Love yourself. Be proud of yourself. Pat yourself on the back. Look yourself in the mirror with a huge smile on your face. Be silly. Celebrate your wins. Why? Because you deserve it. Don’t waste a minute of your life.

Let there be light

I was watching a video the other day. There were two things that stuck out to me and (for some reason or another) resonated with me.

Are you the type of person who tries to fix everything right then and there? Or are you the type of person who can come back to it later with no worries? I’m the type that likes to fix things right there and then. I’m usually always the person that makes the first move. I make an effort, even when the other person doesn’t. I’m pretty persistent once I have my mind set on something. I believe it all stems from my need for certainty (and believing I can one-handedly fix everything and make it better, with or without the other person’s effort). However, I am trying to change this, because it usually leaves me unhappy. The one line that stuck out to me in regards to this was, “Be still.” What a concept, right? Haha.

I actually wrote that one down (and the other one) as a reminder to myself. Sometimes the best thing to do is to let go and see where the pieces fall, all on their own, without you nudging them one way or another. I’ve found I actually like this concept when I’ve practiced it. It’s freeing. It leaves room for uncertainty, which I’ve found I am actually quite fond of. It allows others to step up the plate and it releases me from stress and worry. It’s been a win-win. If you’re like me, give this one a try next time you’re rushing in to fix whatever’s broken.

The second line that resonated me was, “Let there be light.” I’m usually at one end of the spectrum or the other when I face certain situations. I’m an all in or all out kind of gal. This is yet another thing I’m trying to change. Life is all about balance, right? Well, I am either facing things on head-on, persistent as can be, until I get the desired result OR I am completely ignoring and evading and acting like I don’t care (even though I probably really do). It makes me quite upset when I am evading and ignoring and being quite frankly, mean, because I feel like I’m not being myself. I like that quote, because it reminds me that although the situation might not be how I’d like it to be, although I might be really upset at someone, I can still be a source of light.

I actually think both lines blend in quite nicely. While I am letting go and being still and relinquishing control over the situation, I can also still be a light in this world. I don’t have to shut down. No matter how upset I am at someone, I don’t have to react to them any differently. People don’t need punishment. People need love, patience, and kindness.

Gone

I haven’t been taking a break from you! I have in a way, but not intentionally. Here’s what happened.

  • I booked a ticket to Spain several nights ago
  • I’ve been getting everything in order for said trip
  • I leave on the first of August
  • And I don’t get back until the 16th

I will be staying in (drum roll, please) Barcelona for the first half of the trip. Then, I will be leaving Barcelona to see family in Alicante for the second half of the trip. If I don’t post as much for the next several weeks, I promise I will be back. I am hoping I will feel inspired enough in Spain to write to you. There is a lot that has happened in the last several days that I wish I could catch you up on. I will soon.

You want success? Read this.

Act like everything you do matters, because it does. Every minuscule thing adds up to the entirety of your life. Every single thing that has ever happened, every choice you’ve ever made, every decision you didn’t make, all the good, all the bad, the right, and the wrong, it has all brought you to where you are today- reading this post. All the decisions your parents made literally made you, a human being. All the decisions their parents made made them. The chances that that sperm and egg were the only ones that could have created you and they did is a miracle. Every little moment added up to that. That goes back to generation after generation. Don’t fall into the trap of believing that things don’t matter, because they do.

Pain will find you regardless. There is no avoiding pain. It will come and find you. You might as well get something out of it. You might as well be chasing after your dreams, because suffering is inevitable. You can’t escape it, so make it worth your while. Accept the good with the bad. There is nothing you haven’t made it through thus far. Don’t let things knock you off course.

You are your own worst enemy. You are the only person standing in your own way. You are the person allowing negativity into your life. You are the person allowing external circumstances and people affect you. You are the person making excuses. You are the only person responsible for where you are in life and where you’re going. Take charge. Take power. Become your own best friend. Don’t allow anyone else or anything else to take charge of your future.

Happiness is a little overrated. If you’re in the pursuit of it, you’ll never achieve it. Just be happy now. There are so many things to be grateful for. Stop focusing on what you lack and start focusing on what you have. Live from a place of abundance, not scarcity. If you want happiness, work on bettering yourself. Unless you’re progressing, unless you’re working towards goals, unless you’re working on bettering yourself, you won’t be happy. You know what else makes people happy? Doing things for others. Start focusing on becoming of service and of value to others.

Override your automatic responses. All the things that you do that you never really think about, they’ve just become habits, and they might not be that good for you, replace them with ones that are. What buttons do people push that get you to act in a way you’re not proud of? Focus on making sure you don’t get triggered anymore. Find a new response. Stop doing the same thing and expecting different results.

Do I feel like working out everyday? No. Do I feel like waking up early in the morning? No. Do I feel like reading everyday? No. Do I do it anyway? Yes. If you’re waiting around until you feel like doing things, you’re going to be waiting around forever. No one feels like doing the hard things. They just do them. That’s why most people don’t succeed, because most people would rather be comfortable. You want success? You want to achieve your dreams? You want to get to the next level? Get disciplined.

How do I do the things I don’t want to do? I don’t think about it. I just do them. I don’t give myself a chance to talk myself out of it. I’m already out the door. How did I do it in the beginning? By doing it every single day, NO excuses, until they became habits. How do I still do it? By scaring the crap out of myself. I use my fear of failure. I use my fear of for the future. I tell myself if I don’t do it one day, that one day might push me back, that one day might be my chance of opportunity, that one day matters, and not doing it for that one day could turn into not doing it everyday. Skip intense gratification and focus on the long-term.

Once you start doing the things you don’t want to do, you’ll have some momentum behind you. Keep that momentum going for as long as you can. Don’t stop until it becomes a daily part of your life, until it becomes routine, until you no longer need to motivate yourself to do it, until you do it on the days you don’t want to do it the most. You want to make your dreams come true? You have to work for it. You have to work on all areas of your life, not just one or two, all of it.

I have every excuse in the book not to do anything. I have every excuse in the book to sit around, telling everyone life is unfair, life is hard, why did this have to happen to me, and I wouldn’t be wrong for it, but I choose to get up and fight for my future every single day. I am relentless. I was a complete screw-up for a period in my life. Making a relationship my life goal, an addict, abusive parents, abusive relationships, terrible past, ended up in jail, hit rock bottom over and over again, depressed, insecure, tried to kill myself, in and out of mental hospitals, just a chain of bad events since the day I was brought into this planet. I don’t let any of that hold me back. I let it push me forward.

Don’t leave things for tomorrow. You only have today. Why leave something for tomorrow when you can do it today? Do things because it’s the right thing to do. Don’t look at everyone around you and start wondering why everyone isn’t doing what you’re doing and let yourself off the hook. Life doesn’t work like that. Do it because it’s right thing to do. Do it because you have bigger plans. Do it for the very reason that no one else is doing it.