Meh.

It’s 10:54 P.M. I’ve been reading (and taking notes on) five different textbooks this week and the last. I’m about 75 to 100 pages deep in each one. I’ve worked out every single day. However, everything else I love (and would like to do) has come to a halt, including me waking up early. I’ve been having late nights. One of my classes doesn’t end until 9:50 P.M. Anyway, I’m a bit bummed. I’ll go into that in a second.

I’d like to first state that I am favoring three classes out of the five: biopsychology, physical anthropology, and interpersonal communication. They are so fascinating!

Back to being bummed out…

Do you ever want to start fresh? Do you ever want to give up on everything and start doing your own thing? I get that feeling a lot, because I feel as if I would be really good at the things I want to do. However, I am trying to play it smart. I’ve made enough mistakes thus far. I can’t waste time making the same ones. I also really love school. Call me a freak, but I LOVE LEARNING. I am good at it.

I’ve just found myself enjoying so many other things as well. I don’t want to give up those dreams for the sake of something else. I don’t have enough time to pursue the things I were during the summer, so I’m stuck. I can either be sleep-deprived and working towards them or focusing on the bigger picture and making time for them as I can. I know the second one is the right one. I just wish it wasn’t.

Starting new always intrigues me. You get a clean slate to be and do as you wish. You can create some things in you that weren’t there before. It’s difficult to do that when you’re in the same environment, with the same people who are expecting you to be the way you’ve always been. I just want bigger things for myself.

The grass is always green on the other side, but it’s where you water it that most counts.

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